I hate you Facebook - don't leave me!

Am I the only one that has a hate/love (yes, I know I said it backwards) relationship with Facebook?  I’ve been trying to break up with it for months now, but it seems I just can’t make a clean break.  It’s like a bag of potato chips I opened because I just wanted a snack.  A handful down and I should be done, right?  Oh, but that salty goodness, I’ll just have another handful, well, make that 2 more handfuls.  My hunger is now satisfied, but I keep pressing on.  Suddenly, I find myself licking the salt from my fingers, wondering how in the world I ate the whole bag when I wasn’t even really hungry, and totally HATING the potato chips for ever making me want them in the first place.  That’s how I feel about Facebook.

I mean, on one hand, I’ve really enjoyed catching up with some long-lost friends.  From grade school, high school, college, I’ve reconnected with people I’d long since lost.  I’ve seen pictures of their new lives, shared laughs about old times and generally enjoyed catching up.  Pretty cool, right?  What a neat technology available to the masses.  The future is here, and its name is Facebook ladies and gentlemen!

But then there is the dark side of Facebook.  Let’s start with the status updates.  All day long I’m thinking up status updates.  “Paula just went to the grocery store, bought milk, eggs and a completely off-her-diet, but oh-so-delightful reeses peanut butter cup”.  Does anyone really care?  Of course, ever the over achiever, my mind is constantly trying to come up with intelligent, witty, comments that will wow my closest 249 friends.  Really?  Perhaps I have better things to do?

Then there is the “flashback to high school/college” phenomenon part of Facebook that I’m certain is going to get me put on medication.  I don’t know about you, but – at the time – high school/college days weren’t really the best days of my life.  Not that I was miserable every day or anything.  But high school and college never really brought out the best in any of us now, did it?  Facebook has, unfortunately, time warped me back to the 90s and the only thing I want back from that era is my size 6 body.  I find myself wanting to know why I have to ask the cool kid to be my friend.  Why can’t HE/SHE ask me?  Or, why are all my classmates friends with my older (and much cooler) brother?  The only good thing Facebook has done for my pitiful pubescent self esteem is confirm why I could never get my high school crush to show any interest in me.  Turns out he’s gay.  Ah ha!  A year’s worth of therapy solved in a matter of seconds on Facebook. 

And I don’t even have time to get into the really weird parts of Facebook.  Quizzes like, “What Golden Girl Character Are You?”, or “25 Random Things about You”, “Pieces of Flair”, and “poking” someone.  Huh?  There’s so much weirdness, I’m truly overwhelmed by it. 

So, I’m at an impasse.  A moral quandary.  A veritable tete a tete with myself.  Do I overlook the bad in order to reconnect with some great old friends, OR do I walk away from this absurd technology to save my sanity (not to mention my precious time)?  I think I know the answer. I’ll get to it…really…I promise.. 

Right after I update my status.