A Love Poem

(with sincere apologies in advance to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

Sleep: How Do I Love Thee?

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways:

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

my sleepy body can reach, when I'm so tired

and only long for the giddy feeling of rest you offer.

I love thee to the level that is almost

illegal - day and night.

I love thee openly, I lust for thee;

I love thee wholly, I plan my day around seeing you again;

I love thee with a strength that I used

to use for better things ages ago.

I love the with a love it seems was lost

when I had bear cubs.

It is impossible to have too much of you.

I love thee with every fiber and hair on my furry body.

And, God willing, if these bear cubs should ever leave the den

I shall but love thee even more after that.

All things considered...

We did pretty well.

I think the angle of all of these pictures speaks volumes about parenting. You begin their lives facing them. The day they are born you look at their face, their eyes, and toes. When they begin walking, you face them and hold your arms out so that their first steps are toward you.

And then you transition to a different angle. You ease yourself onto backstage, and get comfortable. They flutter from the nest and the view you have of their first awkward flight is from behind.

And then, all there is left to do is watch them soar.

Soar baby, soar....

One

Now that is ONE sweet Sugar Bear...

Happy 1st Birthday Sugar Bear!

To the girl that caught me by surprise

and took my breath away

You make me laugh and smile

You taught me to relax (at least a smidgen)

You showed me that I can go without sleep and survive (barely)

You renewed my confidence

You taught me that a parent's love defies the boundaries of math

You showed me that sibling love is an amazing thing to see

I sure am glad you came along

Summer Survival

The answer for "what to do when you run out of ideas (and, clearly, supplies) but school is not yet in session":

Fuzzy Wuzzy

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear...

Fuzzy Wuzzy grew some HAIR!

Life with my boy cub

Life with my boy cub is never dull. Conversations are always entertaining and filled with, well, boy stuff. At least once a day, I find myself either groaning in utter disbelief, or stifling a laugh. Here's a snippet of just a few things that occurred in ONE mere day in our Den:

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Brother Bear: Did you know that when you sneeze your body blows air through your nose? But if your nose is stopped up, then it blows out snot. If it is really stopped up, it backs up and comes out of your mouth.

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Brother Bear: It would be so cool if I tooted in the bathtub! My toot would make bubbles in the water! (hysterical bear cub laughing ensues)

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Brother Bear: Can I have a show?

Mama Bear: No.

Brother Bear: Please give me a show?

Mama Bear: No.

Brother Bear: If you give me a show, I'll give you a dollar. If you let me watch 2, I'll give you 2 dollars. If you let me watch 3, I'll give you 2 dollars, 55 cents, and 75 cents. You can buy anything you want!

(for those curious, while I was tempted, I didn't take the bait.)

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Mama Bear: Brother Bear, please put your braces on and walk down the hallway so the nice Orthotist can make sure the braces are adjusted correctly.

Brother Bear: Okay. Walk. (begins walking down populated hallway) Wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk, wiener walk....

Mama Bear: mumble, grumble, GROWL, mumble, grumble....

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Brother Bear: See, Mama Bear, I told you!

Mama Bear: Told me what?

Brother Bear: That you were smart. Smarter than all the other bears. Well, not the college bears. The college bears are smarter.

Mama Bear: But, Mama Bear went to college. Twice, in fact.

Brother Bear: Oh. Well. I'm only going to college for 4 days.

Mama Bear: Really? I'm not sure you are going to get a lot out of just 4 days.

Brother Bear: Okay. Then I'll go ten days.

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Brother Bear: MAMA BEAR, I'M OUTTA TOILET PAPER!!

Mama Bear: Okay, Brother Bear! Remain calm! I'm bringing you a new roll of....huh? Um, Brother Bear, why are you stark naked on the toilet?

Brother Bear: Ahh! I took my shirt off! I didn't mean to take my shirt off!!!

Mama Bear: (rolls eyes, hands toilet paper to Brother Bear, and walks away...)

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Sigh. I'm going to miss these interactions soon. They are one of the several things that make the tough times with him just a little easier.

But one thing is for certain. His Kindergarten teacher is going to have a lot of fodder for her party conversations!

Order, please.

Order is good. Order is calm. Order is, well, orderly. I like order.

That doesn't mean that with 2 bear cubs, their activities, my activities, etc. we have any order in our life. In fact, we are pretty much devoid of order around here these days. And with a new school routine starting soon, I feel like it's only going to get more disorderly.

Have I mentioned that I like order? Scratch that. I love order. Luv it. I HEART ORDER.

So I started making plans recently to restore some order to our lives.

Our new school starts at 8:00 a.m. The first bell rings at 7:50 a.m. Cyber Bears, Our Den has never made it anywhere before 8:00 a.m. unless under extreme duress. And now, Brother Bear has to have his furry little bottom in his chair no later than 8:00 a.m. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Gulp.

Enter phase 1 of my "plan": a chart. That's right, a chart. The only thing I love better than order is a good old fashioned chart. They're clear, they're concise, and (you guessed it) they're orderly. Right up my alley.

It's a simple pre-reader/reader chart that walks Brother Bear exactly through what he should do each morning. Follow the chart, and he'll be ready to go in no time! Take a look:

Ahh. Don't you just feel the order oozing out of that chart? Can't you just see how orderly our mornings will be? I get an endorphin rush every time I look at it.

So, while I'm on an orderly "high", I move on....

Brother Bear's school, while public, has a uniform policy in place. On one hand, I love the idea of the uniform. My school shopping was done in minutes with a few quick clicks of the mouse (you didn't really think I would actually venture away from the computer, now would you?). On the other hand, the potential uniform combinations were stressing me out. And, if they are stressing me out, what do you think they are going to do to a sleepy bear cub? I mean, seriously, The options are: white, red, or navy shirts with khaki or navy pants. And I'll just put it straight: I REFUSE TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT AT SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING AS TO WHY IT IS NOT OKAY TO WEAR A NAVY SHIRT WITH NAVY PANTS. That's right. I'm not afraid to admit it. I claim, nay, embrace my neuroses.

Thus, phase 2 of my orderly plan: the chart - on steroids. I created a chart for Brother Bear's nightly routine (whence, in an orderly fashion, he lays out all of his clothing for the next day). The chart details exactly what options he can select to wear. No fuss, no arguing. Just clean, plain, order. Here's a look at the second chart:

Ahem.

I can hear you laughing at me, Cyber Bears. Go ahead. Laugh all you want.

Why?

Because I've already created my own little chart that says you can.

Countdown

Lately, I feel like I hear this sound over and over in my head. Why? Let me give you a few visual hints:

Hint #1

Hint #2

That's right Cyber Bears, it's time for SCHOOL.

Brother Bear starts Kindergarten in a mere 2 weeks. I should be thrilled, right? Dancing in the streets? Counting down the minutes until I can shove him out the minivan door into those hallowed halls of education?

But, I'm not. Instead, all I can hear is that dreadful countdown music. And, to be honest with you, I'm surprised by that!

I vividly remember My Mother Bear on my first day of Kindergarten. I'm the baby bear cub of my family. My Mother Bear teased me relentlessly that she was going to stand at the windows of my Kindergarten class and cry, "BOO HOO HOO!" Once I entered the class, I refused to look at her for fear of seeing her crying at the window. I'm being punished for that now!

You see, my time at home with this amazing, precious, bossy, brilliant, stubborn, strong willed, kind hearted, confident bear cub is coming to a close. It's like I've been given 2 weeks to live, and I'm rushing around trying to make sure that I cram everything into that 2 weeks.

Okay. Maybe I'm being a wee bit melodramatic. But, that's sorta how it feels.

Since the day that bear cub took his first breath, he has basically been by my side. I gave up a career that I enjoyed (and was occasionally good at, and - oh yeah - MADE MONEY doing) so that I could be with him 24-7. And boy, have I been! I was there for his first smile, coo, walk and words. Together we conquered breast feeding and breathing issuses, strong wills, and temper tantrums. I think it is possible that I've learned more from him these past 5 years and 11 months than he has from me.

And now, I have to share him. And let him go.

I realize that it's not like I'm sending this cub off to college. But I am saying goodbye to and era, and ushering in something new (and, um, unknown). I'll no longer be the one he relies on for the majority of his day. Between the hours of 7:50 a.m. and 2:50 p.m., if he needs a hug, a cuddle, a smile, a book, or a band-aid, he won't get it from me. And that, I must mourn.

But it isn't all weeping and nashing of teeth around here. Why? Because in the midst of my mourning, I know this one thing: he is ready. He is ready to face a new challenge. To make new friends, to learn new things. This is what I keep repeating to myself over and over. He's ready, he's ready, he's ready....

I just wish I was.

While the bear cub's away..

...the Mama Bear cleans! At least, that was my plan.

Brother Bear has been with his Mimi & Poppa Bear (Papa Bear's Parents) for the week. Historically, I've done some intense cleaning during these visits. But Sugar Bear put a fabulous wrench in my plan. Instead, we've had fun this week one-on-one playing and working on where her ears are located - as she thinks they are on the top of her head. Sigh.

When possible during the week, I have done some small cleaning projects. Specifically decluttering the Bear Den. Is it just me, or do Bear Cubs quadruple the clutter? Argh! Besides all the extra toys and blankets and clothes, you then have the rocks, bottle caps and gravel found on the playground. And, of course, you have the artwork. My GOD THE ARTWORK. I try to save some of the good artwork, but have you ever tried to throw away one of your Bear Cub's "less than stellar art"? Whewee! I only made that mistake once.

Instead? I shove it in a cabinet and then sort through it when he's out of town (Oh. Don't say you haven't done it either!). I know I'm awful. I know this is going to be a topic of conversation during his many therapy sessions he'll have later in life. Oh well! I WANT MY HOUSE BACK. And slimming down the artwork gets me one step closer.

Next task: Sugar Bear's high chair. If the sign of good parenting is the cleanliness of your bear cub's high chair, I'm in trouble.

Big trouble.