Anatomy and Physiology according to Sugar Bear

These are Sugar Bear's responses as I point to these parts of her body:

Ears: EeAhs!

Nose: (with nose crinkled) Nooooze!

Mouth: Mowf!

Teeth: Chomps teeth together and smiles

Elbow: Eh-bah (while unsuccessfully pulling up sleeve of shirt)

Belly: BALI! (while removing shirt and patting said belly)

Hair: Haih Bow!

That's right. Sugar Bear calls her hair, "hair bow". I don't know HOW she came up with this. I assure you it has nothing to do with our ongoing debate about the virtues of hair bows and how they should stay firmly clipped in one's hair.

Not at all.

One step at a time

Number of incisions in Brother Bear's Achilles Tendons: 4

Number of times Dr. Bear (or his team) has pushed Brother Bear's feet into dorsiflexion: countless (2 things to note - 1: for those of you who don't know, that is some dang fine dorsiflexion if I do say so myself! 2: I was so grossed out that the Dr. Bear didn't put on gloves to touch Brother Bear's nasty feet, I could barely take the picture!

One pair of orthopedic shoes to go over casts so Brother Bear could feel like a "normal" kid at school: $97 (gulp)

One shower chair to aid in cleaning the "essentials": More $ than I'm willing to admit

One pair of cast covers to keep casts from getting wet while cleaning the "essentials": $15

Number of days without a real bath: 46

Number of delicious, trans-fat-full bags of popcorn as a post-doctor-visit-reward: Probably in the high double digits!!

Knowing that we are one step closer on the path to no longer walking on our toes: PRICELESS

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

SIC 'EM BEARS!

A meager attempt to prove that I am not the worst alumnus of a certain university that just happens to have both their men's and women's basketball team in the SWEET SIXTEEN:

Okay. So maybe that doesn't prove it. But this coordinating accessory must, right?

Go, Bears, Go!

Random thoughts...

A few random thoughts after driving 1800 miles in a car completing a seven day vacation without bear cubs:

• My delicate derriere, despite the padding, can only withstand about 900 miles of driving/riding in a car.
• The bathrooms in a certain state which shall remain unnamed (starts with a "T", is in the south, and ends with an "EE") failed to impress me. Seriously failed. I do, however, have several phone numbers should you be "looking for a good time."
• I have the genetic material of my Grandmother Bear: I love scratch off lottery tickets, and being a back-seat driver.
• Cracker Barrel is trying to take over the world. Seriously. 4 states, 1800 miles and OVER 20 Cracker Barrels (Yes, we counted. You run out of things to do over 1800 miles). Don't be surprised if you receive a Christmas present from me that involves a doily, rooster, or a painted sign with some cute "kuntry" quote. I couldn't resist.
• Sugar Bear is punishing me for leaving her by hanging on me like a monkey and screaming bloody murder if anyone looks at her funny. If not for the screaming and being unable to get anything done, I'd totally love it.
• We were home approximately 24 hours when Brother Bear flooded the bathroom.

Since we haven't had a vacation (sans bear cubs) since Sugar Bear was gestating, all of the above was totally worth it. We had a glorious time. Papa Bear and I have the greatest Parent Bears around, as they made it all possible.

Now I'm off to catch up on my to-dos.

Right after I eat. I have a crazy craving for biscuits and gravy.....

A Cyber Chat

A conversation that occured recently (in my head)...



Loyal Cyber Bear: Mama Bear? Hello? Are you alive? Hellooooooo?



Mama Bear: Huh, what? Oh, Hi! Funny seeing you here! How are you?



Loyal Cyber Bear: Um, I'm good. How are you?



Mama Bear: Oh, I'm great! I'm just great!



Loyal Cyber Bear: Ahem, Mama Bear, uh, I have a question for you.



Mama Bear: Yes?



Loyal Cyber Bear: What happened to you? Where have you been? You've posted only about 2 posts in the last month. Are you okay?



Mama Bear: Oh, yes. That. Well, you see, I was really overwhelmed with Brother Bear's surgery, and recovery and then things started getting better. And then, of course, there was the almost dying of vertigo incident. It took me about a week and a half to feel better from that. During that whole time I started a new writing venture in conjuntion with my church and their Facebook page, so I got a little overwhelmed. By the time I got that together, I had to pack up the family in preparation for the bear cubs' spring break visit to my In-Law Bears while Papa Bear and I headed to The Land of the Bears for a rescheduled (and much needed) vacation. We are now enjoying our last day of freedom, uh, I mean vacation. So, I guess I kinda got a little behind with my Cyber Den, didn't I? Oops! My apologies for neglecting y'all.



Loyal Cyber Bear: Well, it's good to know that you're alive. I was starting to worry!



Mama Bear: Aww. That's so sweet! I didn't know you cared so much!



Loyal Cyber Bear: I do, I do. Now, while we are talking about getting better, how is Brother Bear?



Mama Bear: He is doing uh-may-zing. Like, "Ohmygosh-you-are-going-to-give-your-Mama-Bear-a-heart-attack-doing-back-flips-on-the-trampoline-in-your-casts" good. The first few days of recovery were, as expected, rough. However, he has really bounced back better than I expected! His resilliancy and strength has really overwhelmed us! His biggest complaint is the itchy casts and fatigue at the end of the day. Our biggest complaint is the stench of the casts. Six weeks is a loooong time not to bathe. Shewee! He's scheduled to get the casts off on the 26th of March.



Speaking of being overwhelmed, it's high time I thank several of you Loyal Cyber Bears for your kindness during this time. We knew that you guys would support us, but boy did you overdo it! We received sweet notes and emails and nice surprises for Brother Bear too. I was especially surprised by a sweet day-of phone call from a Cousin-In-Law Bear that I didn't even know read my blog (thanks, G.C. Bear!). All of those things really meant so much to a worried Mama Bear. My sincere thank yous go out to each of you.



Loyal Cyber Bear: Well, you are welcome Mama Bear! It's nice to hear things are going so well! Now tell us a little about this writing venture you mentioned.



Mama Bear: Well, I'm part of a group of 5 people that are each writing a weekly blog post on our church's Facebook Page. And yes, I'm very aware of the humor in the fact that I'm willingly participating in yet another thing on Facebook. Karma's funny that way, isn't it?



Loyal Cyber Bear: (giggling under breath) Yes, that is funny! I'm curious though, what are you writing about, and how can I read it?



Mama Bear: Well, I'm not exactly sure what I'm writing about just yet. So far, it is just some musings on how my life and faith intersect. It's tough though! The pressure of writing something thoughtful is much more difficult than writing something funny. With how I've neglected this blog, I'm a bit concerned about the writer's block I'm going to encounter with this new one! But if you are interested, just become a fan of my church on Facebook. Then look at the notes. My cohorts and I each have a day of the week. I'm guessing you might enjoy them all, but I'm on Thursdays!



Loyal Cyber Bear: That's cool! I'll do it. I'll even try to get Papa Bear, your Big Sister Bear, your Mother Bear and Daddy Bear to get on Facebook too!



Mama Bear: Yeah, good luck with that.



Loyal Cyber Bear: You mentioned something about vacation. Are you and Papa Bear on Vacation?



Mama Bear: Indeed we are. My Mother Bear and My Daddy Bear generously lent us their Cabin in the Woods for the week while my In Law Bears generously offered to take care of the bear cubs. We have been enjoying the fresh mountain air, eating food without hearing anyone complain, hiking, drinking wine, talking without being interrupted, watching movies (without cartoon characters or tushie humor), and sleeping. Oooh, the sleeping. We're sleeping like we used to sleep in college. Remember when you used to sleep like that? Oh, I forgot what it was like to sleep like that. A Mama Bear could get used to it. But, alas, all good things must come to and end and that includes vacation. We leave tomorrow morning to go pick up the bear cubs. I actually miss those furry little critters! But this vacation was just what the doctor ordered for Papa Bear and me.



Loyal Cyber Bear: That is great, Mama Bear! I'm so glad to hear you've had a break. I'm assuming now that you are rested, you'll get back into the swing of this blog thing, right? Right?



Mama Bear: Indeed, it is my hope dear Cyber Bears!! Despite my lack of posts recently, I've really enjoyed occasionally entertaining you with the humor that is my life. I hope you'll stick with me and have fun on this crazy ride. It wouldn't be fun without you!



Loyal Cyber Bear: Aww, shucks. Now I'm blushing.



Mama Bear: You should, Loyal Cyber Bear! I truly appreciate you stopping by the den so often and checking in. Here's to seeing you again. Soon.

It's not a tumor

Loyal Cyber Bears! Missed me? Oooh, how I've missed you!! Life was getting back to normal and I was all ready last week to give you a nice long update on Brother Bear (he's doing GREAT! more coming very soon, I promise) and then the bottom fell out on me. Literally!

Let me 'splain.

Thursdays Sugar Bear goes to Mama Bears' Day Out. So, Thursdays are my days to be super-duper-effecient and get everything-I-wanted-to-do-all-week-without-a-bear-cub done in a mere 5.5 hours. That usually includes an hour or so dedicated to writing and it is, truly, one of my favorite times of the week.

So anyway, I went to bed Wednesday night giddy with anticipation of what the next day had in store for me. Bright and early Thursday morning my alarm went off and I popped out of bed (okay, so maybe my alarm was going off and I heard Papa Bear shout, "Mama Bear your alarm is going off and Sugar Bear is crying!"). I started my normal journey to the bathroom, and that's went it all went wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

I took what I thought were a few straight steps and found myself face-to-face with my chest of drawers. More steps, a wall, a bureau, and door frame later I realized that my balance was a little off. Papa Bear helped me the last few feet to the toilet at which point I realized I needed to forgo my normal bathroom ritual and instead, relieve myself of the contents of my stomach. I then proceeded to stay on the bathroom floor for the next 2 hours watching the room spin every time I opened my eyes and then consequently getting sick. Papa Bear was a champ and cancelled his work plans for the day and took over parenting the cubs. Meanwhile, I asked God for forgiveness for whatever it was I did, prayed for a quick death, and inspected the inner details of my toilet.

I was finally able to crawl - literally on my hands and knees - to the bed, and proceeded to stay there with my eyes closed. Until Saturday afternoon. If I opened my eyes the ceiling spun like a top. Papa Bear came in to check on me and when I rolled over to greet him, everyone regretted it. By that evening, I knew something was terribly wrong and I needed to go to the doctor but I couldn't make it the 9 feet to the toilet much less to the car on the other side of the house. I mentioned something to Papa Bear about a sledgehammer and he retorted back something about only having a crowbar. I'll tell you right now, that crowbar sounded very tempting.

Friday morning my parents arrived to help out (cue angels singing) and I stayed in bed holding on for dear life. Luckily for us, Papa Bear's work has a House Call Program that will send a P.A. Bear to your location. Given the symptoms Papa Bear had entered into their computer system, she arrived assuming I had a stomach bug. Once she saw me splayed on the bed, eyes closed, holding onto the mattress, her eyes got really big.

I knew it. I was dying.

She said, "Oh my, you have Labyrinthitis!"

My response to her (seriously) was, "How long do I have to live?" Let's just say, I didn't appreciate it when she subsequently started laughing.

Apparently, the near-death experience I was having was vertigo due to some sort of inner ear infection/irritation. The nice P.A. Bear then said that I would certainly not die, but she understood how I thought I might. She prescribed 3 medications, one of which would help the vertigo. I think I might have kissed her at that point...but my memory is still a little fuzzy.

Needless to say, I've never, ever, ever, EVER, EV-AH felt so bad in my entire life. I did not rejoin the land of the semi-normal until Sunday. My parents stayed until we were assured that I could survive without the vertigo meds (can't drive on them) and perform basic daily tasks like, say, breathing.

And this, Cyber Bears, is why you didn't hear from me last week. I hope you understand. More updates on the Four Bears coming soon.

Until then, may the Lord bless you. And, may you never in your lifetime experience vertigo. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!