Sleepless in...

Well, you know.

Last night I was beyond exhausted. Like, to the point of trying to have a conversation with Papa Bear and he said, "why don't you go ahead and go to bed, sweetie, because you are falling asleep sitting up." And, it's not because he was talking about a new product pricing budgeting thingy at work. Not at all.

So I took him up on the offer and cuddled into bed at 9:00 p.m. I was deliriously hopeful about all the wonderful hours of sleep that were about to occur.

I think it is important right about now to explain how much I love sleep. I love sleep. My picture of heaven used to be a mansion with butlers and maids and all-you-can-eat-buffets of my Mother Bear's food and a skinnier, prettier, version of myself bouncing around in wings. My picture of heaven now? The world's comfiest, warmest bed, and hours and hours of endless, uninterrupted sleep. I love sleep so much that I've warned Papa Bear that - for now - our vacations do not need to be fancy places with lots of sightseeing. Because my ideal vacation is catching up on my zzz's.

Has my love for sleep been made clear to you yet?

Like I was saying, I bundled into bed at 9:00 p.m. with my book, ready for visions of sugarplums to start dancing. At 9:24 p.m. I turned out the lights as, apparently, I had fallen asleep whilst reading my book.

And here is an honest timeline of the rest of the evening's events (all times approximate as I wasn't really focused on remembering the exact times):

10:05 p.m. - Awakened to the sound of a sneezing fit from Papa Bear. It seems that there was an incident with the tweezers and a particularly stubborn nose hair that caused a riot of sneezing to ensue. When I realized that I was not going to be attacked by the world's largest allergen, I rolled over pulled the covers up, and prepared to return to slumberland.

10:10 p.m. - Papa Bear crawls in bed and gets settled with the daintiness of an elephant. I release giant "sigh of frustration" to make my point without words, yank the covers and roll over.

2:38 a.m. - Sugar Bear is coughing and crying. Try desperately to figure out where I am and who is making that god-forsaken noise. Before I can figure these things out, Papa Bear gets up and heads to the rescue of Sugar Bear.

2:40 a.m. - Realize that Sugar Bear and Papa Bear are in kitchen and she is wailing for me. Extricate myself from bed and stumble to kitchen. Relieve Papa Bear, give Sugar Bear some cough syrup and return to her room. Cuddle up in rocking chair and soothe Sugar Bear back to sleep.

2:50 a.m. - Return Sugar Bear to crib and tip-toe back to room and glorious, glorious bed.

2:55 a.m. - Sugar Bear and Papa Bear both now fast asleep. I, on the other hand, am staring at the ceiling trying my darn-dest to go back to sleep.

3:30 a.m. - Still awake. Have decided to put time to good use and try to tackle the world's problems.

3:31 a.m. - Unable to solve the problems of world hunger and global warming, resort to counting backwards from 100. Multiple times.

5:06 a.m. - Awaken to the sound of phone ringing. Panic ensues in attempt to locate and annihilate annoying ringing.

5:06:30 a.m. - Voicemail picks up to a delightful message from a waaay-too-friendly-at-this-time-of-morning-voice from the school district telling us that school has been cancelled. Woo Hoo! MORE TIME TO SLEEP!

5:32 a.m. - Sugar Bear is awake and crying. Try to soothe her back to sleep. Am unsuccessful. Opt for the "quickest way back to sleep" method and bring her into our bed.

5:33 a.m. - Sugar Bear returns to sleep. I, however, remain in a state of semi-conciousness in an attempt to sleep and protect myself from flying limbs.

5:45 a.m. - Papa Bear's phone rings. Might possibly have let loose a string of unkind words in an effort to hasten Papa Bear out of the bed to shut off his phone.

6:00 a.m. - Home phone rings. This time, it is a message from the school principal. Telling us the same exact thing the district told us. An hour ago.

6:03 a.m. - Start to hear an abnormal, but very loud, sound. Sounds vaguely like my neighbor's cubs playing basketball - but from the other direction. Try desperately to figure out why they would be playing basketball so early (they usually wait until 7 a.m.). Discern that sound is not basketball-playing-cubs (thus, saving the lives of 3 boy cubs), but begin to think that a robber in tap shoes is galloping down my hallway. Realize that robber theory is a bit far-fetched. Decide that sound is clearly in the attic. And is uniquely tied to the rhythms of the HVAC unit. The relatively new HVAC unit, might I add.

6:06 a.m. - Make mental note to call HVAC repairman. As soon as I get some proper shut eye, that is.

6:12 a.m. - Am squeezing my eyes shut in attempt to will myself to sleep. Feel gentle tapping on shoulder by Papa Bear. He then gently asks if I intend to join him for our morning circuit workout (as, it is almost our 6:15 start time). I proceed to tell him where he can shove Jillian Michaels this morning and pull the covers over my head.

6:20 a.m. - Put pillow over head in attempt to mask what sounds like 2 WWE wrestlers going at it in my attic. Attempt fails miserably.

6:30 a.m. - Sugar Bear hops on top of me, smiles her best smile, and says, "get UP mama. lez go get some bress-fiss." Succumb to her cuteness and get up. Meet Brother Bear at the door.

6:31 a.m. - Realize that it is going to be a very long day.

Now, do you see why I dream about sleep?

Oh, and the noise in my attic? No longer happening. I asked Papa Bear why it wasn't making noise anymore. His response?

"Because you are awake now."

Touche, Papa Bear. Touche.