I'm not afraid!

It's time to come clean: I was afraid to write this post.

Really. I put a deadline on this. Then I pushed it. And pushed it again. All because I was afraid. Which, I think is such a perfect example of why I've decided to embark on a journey of sorts.

But first, let me fill you in a little more...

Years ago, during a High School discipleship weekend, I discovered a verse that I just loved. So, I claimed it for myself. The verse is:

For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. II Timothy 1:7

For some reason, this verse spoke to me in a way I had never experienced before. It was my mantra for surviving high school and life as a Christian. I was not afraid! God gave me power, love, and self-discipline! With that, I could conquer anything, right?

Well, it's been a while since high school and I sit here now in front of this computer and admit to you today: I am a Mama Bear enslaved by fear.

Now, it's not like these fears are keeping me from leaving the den or anything. They just seem to pervade every part of my life and I think they've eaten away at the Mama/Woman Bear I think God created and intended me to be.

I don't know how it happened. I figure it crept up on me slowly and then finally overwhelmed me. It seems so crazy though. I'm a confident Mama Bear! You wouldn't think on first meeting that I'm so controlled by fear. Yet, I am.

But I've finally decided to do something about it.

I recently celebrated a birthday and in less than 365 days I'll reach another one. A milestone one. I could be afraid. But I won't be. Instead, I've decided spend then next year on a voyage of self discovery, attempting to take back control, and - hopefully - free myself from the fear that has controlled me for too long.

Want to join me?

There will be "little" challenges throughout the year. But I've also set a big goal for myself. It deals with a fear that hangs over me like a rain cloud every single day. This big goal will take over a year of preparation. And it terrifies me.

Truly.

I'm not going to let you know what it is just yet. Just know that I had to overcome a real fear just to even let you CyberBears know I'd set the goal. But I will give you a few hints. It involved a visit here:

and maybe to a place that does this:

(Trust me. The first place was waaaaaaaay more painful than the second! And it almost derailed the whole thing.)

But now I'm going public. I'm forcing myself to admit this out loud (so to speak) to make myself follow through.

I hope you follow me along this journey. I don't know where it's going to take me. But I'm ready to break these chains, reclaim II Timothy 1:7, and see what happens. And, who knows, maybe I've struck a cord with you too? Maybe you need to start a similar journey. I would love some other weary travelers to join me along the way.

And, in the words of the famous poet, Eminem,

I'm not afraid, to take a stand

Everybody, come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let'n you know, you're not alone

Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road.

(Is it grounds for instant damnation if you quote Scripture and Eminem in the same blog post? I sure hope not...)

Here's to a year of breaking free from fear.

Let the journey begin.......