Crying "UNCLE!"

There have been numerous articles discussing how we as Americans have become a “fast food nation”.  Pediatricians, psychologists, economists have all opined on how and why this phenomenon has occurred:  laziness, busy schedules, dual-income families.  You name it – they’ve suggested it.

I believe I’ve found the real answer.  Allow me to explain.  (who, pray tell, is going stop me?)

Menu planning for children is, well, a challenge to say the least.  Doctors, nutritionist and dieticians tell us to follow the food pyramid, eat our fruits and veggies and limit sugar.  Hello! Have these people ever had to actually FEED A YOUNG CHILD?  Brother Bear could survive on bread, cheese, lolipops and bubble gum, and not bat an eyelid.  (Not that I’ve tried that, or anything).  Then, we have well meaning friends, neighbors, and bloggers reminding us to buy organic, free range, pesticide and antibiotic free foods.  The challenge to find healthy, non-life threatening meals from one grocery store – THAT MY CHILDREN WILL EAT is, um, difficult, to say the least.  And I didn’t even begin to address sticking to a budget.

But then I started doing some calculations – and that is when it started getting interesting (Mom, Dad…I know…math!!  It’s your proudest moment!).  Look and see:

I’ve been Mama Bear for almost 6 years now.  I provide all of the daily meals for our bear cubs, and 1/3 to 2/3 of the daily meals for Papa Bear.  Let’s make it simple (as many of you know, I’m mathematically challenged) and say I am responsible for 3 meals per day for 6 days a week.  That’s 18 meals a week.  No biggie, right?  Right…let’s do some more math. 18 meals per week for 52 weeks comes to 936 meals per year.  That’s an impressive number.  But wait.  If I’ve been Mama Bear for 5 years, that means I’ve already planned the menu for OVER 4,680 meals SO FAR.  That does not include the additional 18 years I have before my children leave the house.  Yep.  Let’s calculate it.  Ladies and gentlemen, I have approximately (GASP!) 84,240 more meals to plan before Sugar Bear heads off to college!!  (notice there is no mathematical assumption that they stay at home after high school.  Nope.  nuh uh.  NOT AN OPTION!)

I have 84,240 more healthy, economical, child-friendly meals to make?

That’s right.  The sheer numbers would make the weakest crumble, but to take into account good nutrition, healthy living, COST and TASTE just overwhelms me.  AND I LIKE TO COOK!! 

You want to know why we’ve become a fast food nation?  Huh, do you?  I’ll tell you.  Because the “meal planners” of the world did the same math as I did,  cried “UNCLE”, then hopped in the van and headed to the nearest fast food chain.  It’s enough to make people write songs, like this guy did.  (warning:  you'll be singing that song the rest of the day!)  Truly, what could be better?  A meal planned and prepared by someone else, adored by your children, with the added bonus of no dishes to wash!  Oh, yeah.  It’s full of fat, grease, and calories.  Picky, picky.

I know, I know.  You’re saying to me, “Big deal, Mama Bear.  Just come up with 6 meals and repeat them”….For 18 years?  Yeah.  Um.  Tried that.  It worked for 2 weeks.  B-O-R-I-N-G.    Try planning your meals for a month, and then repeat.  Uh huh.  Tried that too.  Broke the bank and had lots of rotten produce.  Maybe I should try cooking in my crock-pot every day for an entire year, like this crazy girl. Maybe not. Sneak veggies into things like macaroni and cheese or brownies?  Blech!  I’m here to tell you:  spinach brownies are AWFUL!   Meal trading?  I can’t please my OWN family.  How am I going to please someone ELSES?  

Each week, I sit down at the table with pen, paper, family calendar, grocery store flyer, coupons, and my budget.  I take one look at the whole mess, and have a mini-nervous breakdown.  Papa bear arrives home with me huddling in the corner repeating, “sale on chicken thighs..must..find..good...recipe!”

So, I present to you today, the REAL reason we’ve become a fast food nation.  You see, friends, menu planning has taken our proverbial arm, twisted it around our back, and pulled as tightly as it can.  And we have cried a weary, exhausted, beat down, “UNCLE!” - and then ordered take out. 

Can I get an, Amen?

Or, at least a side a fries?